ok - so about my story....
well - i guess there's more. i found more. or more came to me.
on my simplistic life goal - to help others:
as self-sacrificing and noble as it might sound - it really is coming from my need to be needed.
now is that just human nature? jacqueline novogratz writes of this when she tells of working with women in africa - my paraphrase - she says they weren't interested or even in need of her (jacqueline's or acumen's) help as much as they were in need of being needed. while it certainly is human nature - i see two issues with it.
1) if i'm helping you because i need to be needed - but you see me as noble and selfless - that's a deception. i'm not being transparent, perhaps not even to myself. and while - good things may come of it - at the core - it's selfish. perhaps that why the people who appear to be doing the most self-less acts get caught up in so many horrible misdeeds. the hiding of their motive to do good corrupts them even more. their non- transparency is at a much deeper level than scandals - who's selfish acts are most completely exposed. it's like a subliminal non-transparency. it's this fake transparency that is becoming popular today. just enough transparent to encourage trust.
2) if i'm helping you because i need to be needed - the way in which i help you will be guided by my agenda. i will in essence be trying to put you in the box of my perceptions. it's a control issue. ego really is everywhere. dang.
a more helpful approach would be to help you figure out how your dilemma can be resolved. period.
this little revelation - clears a lot up in my head just now. for life, for relationships, for ed, for math, ....
how often - when people need help - do we say - i don't know what to do for them and so to pacify ourselves - we say - they just need someone to listen to. (gosh if we could just leave it there.) but invariably - our "wisdom" gets the best of us and we determine that they do need us to do something. they need us to fix them - so we try to force them into a solution from within our box.
no wonder it seldom works. and if it does - it's short-lived.
stepping out of our box - out of ourselves - is not easy.
for proof
1) we never do it
or
2) take a look at a math class
but we need to start stepping out. we need to start seeing outside of ourselves. we need to realize that it's not my plan to save the world that is going to save the world. the plan has to be our plan. i, me, you, ...has to become us. if it doesn't become us - the plan has no value.
simple sounding - but it's a whole different realm. not so simple to take on.
like in teaching, we get a new tech tool, and we think if we use it - we're on to something. when actually, we're just hiding the truth even more. we're missing the big picture. and in missing the big picture - the tool becomes trite. bad even. because the use of it - for the sake of using it - hides the original mission -learning how to learn. focus is on the tool. focus is on self. focus is on how i perceive education. ..the world. and worse yet - we think we've fixed things. we think we've gotten closer to our goal - when actually we've just fogged up the window. and now - it's hard to even realize that - we're missing it - because of all the fog.
the challenge then becomes - step out of my box daily. quit stuffing the world and the people in the world into my box. notice the world around me in defining the world around me. rather than defining the world by my previously boxed world. no matter how cool or pretty or selfless my box appears.
what i'm thinking now - that's true self-lessness.
and if we all got there - the world could be...- one.
imagine.
soul peace.
