children must never work for our love, they must rest in it.
but if there is no relationship there, they cannot rest in it..
we've gone to a relationship that makes them work at keeping us close. while we might get more compliance, we get a deeply restless child.
when they can rest from yearning at keeping us close, their developmental destiny will unfold.
the role of the parent is to give more than what is pursued... that is the only way a child can rest.